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A look at the Kenyan tabloids also suggests that women are at risk of violence from their sponsors. I prefer the sponsor thing, rather than standing on the street," she says. "Because you have that one person who is supporting you… you don't need to sleep with so many men." Perry’s family said in a statement to People: “We are heartbroken by the tragic loss of our beloved son and brother. Matthew brought so much joy to the world, both as an actor and a friend. We're constantly bombarded with moral ethics, and with what religion does and doesn't allow. But it's all a pretence," he says. "We're just burying our heads in the sand and pretending these things don't happen." Maggie Wheeler, who played Chandler’s girlfriend Janice in Friends, said the joy Perry brought to “so many” in his “too short lifetime will live on”.
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The book was a hit with readers and critics. The Observer’s Barbara Ellen called it “harrowing and revealing about the juncture where extreme compound addiction collides with mega-celebrity”. But as most of those dependent on sugar relationships are female, they have dominated the public debate. There are concerns about the morality of their lifestyle, but also about its consequences for their health. Six years ago, when she was at university, Shiro met a married man nearly 40 years her senior. At first, she received just groceries. Then it was trips to the salon. Two years into their relationship, the man moved her into a new apartment because he wanted her to be more comfortable. Another two years down the line, he gave Shiro a plot of land in Nyeri county as a show of commitment. In exchange, he gets to sleep with Shiro whenever he feels like it.
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The artist Michael Soi notes that Kenya remains on the surface a religious society with traditional sexual mores - but only on the surface. Those who deplore sex before marriage and infidelity within marriage rarely practise what they preach, he argues, and the condemnation of sugar relationships is tainted by the same hypocrisy. Jane, the student, makes a distinction, arguing that "in these relationships, things are done on your terms", and Dr Kirsten Stoebenau, a social scientist who has researched transactional sex in Kenya, agrees that this is significant. Perry, who was a ranked youth tennis player in Canada, moved into acting after relocating to LA when he was 15. After small roles in Growing Pains, Beverly Hills 90210 and Dream On, Perry secured the role that would define his career: the sarcastic and neurotic Chandler Bing.
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Former schoolfriend Justin Trudeau, actor Viola Davis and singer Adele were among those who paid tribute to the actor, who struggled with addiction and strived to help others who battled similar demons. Screen legend Kathleen Turner, who played Chandler’s transgender parent, told the Guardian: “I was proud to play his ‘Dad’”. He’s probably the best comedic character of all time,” she said. “He was so open with his struggles with addiction and sobriety, which I think is incredibly, incredibly brave.” There has been a rising growth of the women's movement in Africa and a rising feminist consciousness," says Oyunga Pala, the Nairobi columnist. "Women who were vilified for being sexually active have been given license to just be. There is less slut-shaming than before." Most young women, she says, are not aware of the dangers. "Some of the girls who disappear around our continent were in these transactional relationships… Looking at the police reports, these are cases of girls who were in relationships with older people, and they were rejected at some point and someone decided to kill them." Both Alfred and her other sponsor, James, prefer not to use condoms, she says. In fact she has had unprotected sex with multiple sugar daddies, who then have sex with other women, as well as with their wives, exposing all of these partners to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.
Perry was nominated for an Emmy award five times, once for Friends and twice for his role as lawyer Joe Quincy on The West Wing. In 2019, he was put in a two-week coma when his colon exploded due to opiate abuse; he underwent 14 surgeries to repair the damage. “At this point in my life, the words of gratitude pour out of me because I should be dead, and yet somehow I am not,” he wrote in his memoir. Adele, who announced earlier this month that she has quit drinking, paused her Las Vegas show to pay an emotional tribute to Perry. Warner Bros Television Group, which produced all 10 seasons of Friends from 1994 until 2004, paid tribute to “our dear friend” and “an incredibly gifted actor”. Grace, the aspiring singer struggling to put food on the table, has a slightly different perspective - to her the similarities with sex work are more apparent.
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Until recently there was no data to indicate how many young Kenyan women are involved in sugar relationships. But this year the Busara Centre for Behavioural Economics conducted a study for BBC Africa in which they questioned 252 female university students between the ages of 18 and 24. They found that approximately 20% of the young women who participated in the research has or has had a "sponsor."We drove out to swim in creeks, had beers in the local college bar, kissed in a field of long grass. It was a magical summer. He had shot the pilot of Friends but it had not aired yet. He was nervous, hoping his big break was just around the corner. It was. We stayed friends for a while until we drifted apart, but I was always happy to see him when I did. I am super sad today, as so many of us are. I hope Matthew is at peace at long last. I really do.” For many young Kenyans, the values espoused in families, schools, and churches simply do not align with the economic realities of the country, or cannot compete with the material temptations that, in the age of reality TV and social media, are everywhere visible. Older men have always used gifts, status, and influence to buy access to young women. The sugar daddy has probably been around, in every society, for as long as the prostitute. So you might ask: "Why even have a conversation about transactional sex in Africa?" What is wrong about sex anyway?" asks Jane. "People just make it sound wrong. But sometimes, it ain't wrong at all."
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People come up to me every day and say, ‘Hey, Chandler!’ I don’t respond to it,” he said in a 2014 interview. “If somebody says, ‘Hi, Matthew, I love your work,’ that’s one thing. But if somebody goes, ‘Yo, Chandler’, I don’t like that. I’m tired of it. I’m not Chandler.” In the past, some of Kenya's socialites have styled themselves as #SlayQueens, and have been quite upfront about the financial benefits that have come from dating tycoons. Having made it to the top, though, they often begin to cultivate a different image - presenting themselves as independent, self-made businesswomen and encouraging Kenyan girls to work hard and stay in school.Mildred Ngesa, an ambassador for the global activist group Female Wave of Change, makes a similar argument. After decades of women struggling for the right to vote, to own land, to go to school, she argues, the "choice" to engage in sugar relationships is steeped in contradiction. But while some feminists argue that any choice a woman makes is inherently feminist - because it was made by a woman - others question how free the choice to enter a sponsor relationship really is.
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