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I think it’s crucial to humanise the trans experience and to hear about it from trans people themselves. The more resources out there from trans perspectives, the better, and I wanted to add to this with a book that gave a personal account of transitioning. One of the things I really wanted to focus on was providing a range of trans voices because no one journey is the same.”
Some of the most dangerous myths I hear involve calling trans women dangerous compared to cis women and saying they don’t belong in women’s spaces. Another is that kids are being pushed into transitioning/having access to hormones and/or surgery at very young ages.As a fan of Juno Dawson from both her YA novels and her other titles such as 'This Book is Gay' and 'The Gender Games' - her new book 'What's The T?' doesn't disappoint. In this extract from The T in LGBT, Jamie interrogates the topic of dating and relationships through the lens of the trans experience. Definitely a concise, engaging and accessible guide to "all things trans", but it's not perfect. Naturally, all trans people have different experiences and will also have different language preferences, so some of the language I found bothering in this book would be perfect for others and the other way around (apart from the actual Wrong bits that is, like some specific wordings especially around non-binary identities, or the incorrect definition of aromanticism and asexuality that was given in the book :/ it's really not that hard to do a good Google, Juno). Hey, I'm Jamie, a 29-year-old trans guy from the UK. I've been transitioning for 12 years now after realising I was trans (by accident!) at sixteen years old. I knew I was a boy since the age of four, but realised whilst growing up that I was different. It was only in my teens that I found the words to express who I was and what I needed to do. Since then, I've been on testosterone for more than a decade - I know, I can't believe it either - I've also had top and bottom surgery and legally changed my sex, so I know a few things about the transitioning process and being trans!
There's so much wonderful content in this book so I won't go over all of it here. Just know every chapter is intelligent and beautifully written. This might not even be in person, so think carefully before you trust someone with personal information and photos (including those naughty nudes). You wouldn’t want those being shared without your permission or used to out you in wider contexts. If you are meeting in person, please make sure that you tell a trusted person in your life who you are meeting and where. This should be a general dating rule but is especially important if you plan on coming out on that particular date, just in case you’ve found a toxic frog. Author Jamie Raines. (Image: Provided) Jamie emphasises on multiple occassions that there is no right or wrong way to be trans and goes out of his way to highlight the experiences of trans men other than himself as well as experiences of trans women and nonbinary individuals who he himself can not speak for. This mix of voices makes the content even more validating for those whose experiences may not be conventional.Dating apps are so varied. Many mainstream ones allow you to share that you’re trans publicly on your profile, if that’s something you want to do. For apps that don’t have this as a feature, some trans people choose to share this anyway in their bios. Some apps have the aim of being trans-friendly and inclusive – but do keep in mind that this doesn’t mean every individual using the app will be trans-inclusive, even if the company has this ethos. Jamie Raines writes the book that his 16-year-old self needed – The T in LGBT. Written in honest, accessible prose, Jamie helps readers to navigate the often confusing process of transitioning, using his own experience and the voices of other trans people. By finding the words to express himself, 12 years after realising he was trans, Jamie helps to empower those voices yet to be heard as well as those seeking to learn more. In an interview, he expanded on his intentions for the book. I first realised I was trans when I was 16 when I came across a documentary about a young trans guy and realised that there was a way to describe how I’d been feeling my whole life. It was scary and relieving at the same time, and I began the journey of self-discovery. There’s definitely a misunderstanding among both cis and trans people, that dating becomes something entirely different when someone is trans. We’re not aliens, we just have a slightly different lived experience that doesn’t necessarily have to impact dating and relationships in a big way. The way trans people find dating and relationship partners, for example, is much the same as for cis people. I found my partner in college. Maybe you’re into someone from your school, or university, or workplace. Of course, we can’t forget that a lot of modern-day happily-ever after stories begin on dating apps, the concept of which terrifies me. Not because I’m trans, but because I’m genuinely so awful at flirting. You should hear me with Shaaba – if we weren’t already in love I’m sure I’d be single. The T in LGBT book cover. (Image: Provided)
What's The T? covers a wide variety of topics, all of which play a part in the trans experience. These range from things like realising that you're trans and what to do next, to the trials of dating and romance whilst trans, and even information and resources for parents and loved ones of trans people who want to be more supportive and accommodating. I don't read a lot of nonfiction, however, when I do, I typically find them very helpful, and this was no exception. I believe that books on particular subjects should where possible be written by the people who have knowledge and/or experience related to that subject. The same way that medical journals are written medical professionals and people who have studied in that field for a significant amount of time. I say that because if someone who isn't qualified and knowledgeable in the field is writing it there's higher chances for misinformation to be unintentionally spread further, or the information could be biased against that group. It also makes more sense to me for someone who implicitly understands the content they're writing to be the author of that work. I wanted to add something that was a combination of my personal journey mixed with the personal journeys of others. When Do I Tell Them? A big question that comes up around being trans and dating is when to tell someone you’re trans. The answer to this largely depends on when you feel comfortable and safe, and while there’s no magical formula that spits out a date, there are two guiding factors to help you determine the big ‘When’. The primary factor, and it’s one that must be taken seriously, is consent around sex. Not only is it the right thing to do (and hey, consent is totally hot), it’s also the legal thing you have to do.) I think the book really shined in elevating the voices of the community by bringing in several perspectives. Jaime intentionally invited people with a variety of identities to add their perspectives into the book.I wrote the book I wished for when I was 16, and I truly hope that it resonates with those who read it.” But already one of my annoyances - the description here says 'for 14+' as many LGBT books do by default, but the author has already said “it’s a book of everything I wish I’d known when I was twelve” (p21) and it feels clearly aimed to be accessed by 11+ (and younger by artwork but not by language). It's one of those little things about LGBT books that publishers etc do that winds me up. As a cisgender ally to the LGBTQ+ community Juno has taught me so much. This book has made me question things about my own gender identity (I've realised there is much about myself which is gender-nonconforming), made me think about how I can be a better ally and as a parent how best I could respond if one of my own children came out as trans. With this being such a big, and often scary subject, it needs a very special kind of writing style to make it not seem overwhelming or overly complex; this is after all one of the more rare and varied things a person can go through, and no two trans people or their journeys are going to be exactly the same. Thankfully, Dawson manages to make the topic feel very easy to get a handle on, thanks in large part to her very conversational style of writing. Most of the time reading this book it felt like I was sitting down with Juno, simply talking to her. She made these big concepts and issues feel more manageable, and broke them down in ways that a complete layman would be able to grasp. It was only in my teens that I found the words to express who I was and what I needed to do. Since then, I've been on testosterone for more than a decade - I know, I can't believe it either - I've also had top and bottom surgery and legally changed my sex, so I know a few things about the transitioning process and being trans! I want to welcome you to The T in LGBT where you can explore and learn about so many topics surrounding gender identity: realising you're trans, starting hormones, considering surgery, and everything in between. Whether you're questioning your own identity and are looking for advice on certain stages of transition, or whether you're wanting to learn about the trans experience to support someone or understand ally ship, I hope this book can be your one-stop guide to everything trans related.
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